November 3, 2024
Want better first dates? Focus on building trust. Here's what actually works:
Quick Tips:
| Trust Builder | Why It Works |
|---|---|
| Open Communication | Makes sharing feel safe |
| Active Listening | Shows genuine interest |
| Body Language | Builds natural rapport |
| Personal Stories | Creates real connection |
| Clear Boundaries | Shows mutual respect |
Bottom Line: Skip the games and tricks. Just be yourself, listen well, and let trust build naturally.
Here's exactly how to make your next first date better, broken down step-by-step.
Here's how to prep for a first date that doesn't feel like a job interview:
| Do This | Here's Why |
|---|---|
| Choose clothes the night before | No last-minute panic |
| Switch phone to silent | Shows you're 100% there |
| Pack some backup cash | Saves awkward card moments |
| Quick meditation | Helps you chill out |
| Double-check basics | Starts things off right |
Clear Your Head
Numbers don't lie: A 10-minute meditation cuts down stress by 28%. Here's what Headspace's Andy Puddicombe says about it:
"If we're always running away from difficult emotions, or if we're always getting lost in them, then we will never have a chance to understand them, to be at ease with them."
Know What You Want
Take it from Relationship Therapist Kaylee Friedman:
"Being direct and clear about what you want, what your boundaries are, and finding out the same information about the other person is a great way to start off a connection."
Keep Things Fun
Dr. John Delony nails it:
"Relax and remember the point of a date: to hang out, eat nachos, and have fun."
Your Pre-Date Checklist
| Must Have | Good to Have |
|---|---|
| Clean up + fresh outfit | Backup spot picked out |
| Cash and cards | Topics to talk about |
| Full phone battery | Mints |
| ID + keys | Rain gear/jacket |
| Location details | Second transport option |
Let's talk about first dates. Skip the act - being yourself isn't just easier, it's how you build real connections.
Here's what works (and what doesn't):
| Share This | Skip This |
|---|---|
| Your actual interests | Heavy personal stuff |
| Basic future plans | Ex drama |
| What you do now | Family issues |
| Things you love | Hot-button politics |
How to Keep It Real
"Want someone to be real with you? Make them feel safe being themselves." - Luisa Brenton, Blogger
Here's how to dodge common first-date traps:
| Instead of This | Do This |
|---|---|
| Faking interest in their hobbies | Talk about what you actually like |
| Downplaying your job | Own what you do |
| Changing your personality | Stay at your natural energy level |
| Making up common interests | Find real connections |
Before Your Date List 3 things you love and 3 you don't. It'll help you stick to honest answers during your chat.
"Pretending on date one? They'll find out later anyway. That's not how you build trust." - Ana Wilde, Soulmates.TheGuardian.com
Bottom line: Your quirks? They're features, not bugs. The right person will get that. Everyone else? Not worth the effort.
First dates work best in spots where you can actually talk and get to know each other. Here's what works:
| Type of Place | Why It Works | What to Look For |
|---|---|---|
| Coffee Shops | Easy to chat, zero pressure | Quiet spots, comfy seats |
| Bookstores | Books spark conversations | Cafe areas inside |
| Local Parks | Space to walk and talk | Good lighting, other people around |
| Quiet Bars | Low-key vibe | Early evening hours, not too dark |
| Public Spaces | Keeps things safe | Other people nearby, clear exits |
Keep It Public:
"Always meet in public spaces with other people around. Skip private spots or homes for the first few dates." - Meera Navlakha, Culture Reporter at Mashable
Focus on Conversation:
"There's a reason coffee or drinks at a quiet spot works so well - you can actually hear each other talk." - Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST, couple therapist
Here's what works (and what doesn't):
| Do This | Not This |
|---|---|
| Pick quiet cafes | Skip loud restaurants |
| Choose easy-to-find spots | Avoid tricky locations |
| Go somewhere you know | Skip new places |
| Stay where people are | No isolated areas |
Quick Tips:
"Don't try to impress by going somewhere that makes you uncomfortable." - Julia Storm, author of "5 Simple Steps To Manifesting Your Life Partner"
Simple Ideas That Work:
Bottom line: Pick a place where you can focus on each other, not on fancy details or complicated plans.
First dates work better when both people connect through conversation. Here's what makes the difference:
| Do This | Don't Do This |
|---|---|
| Make eye contact | Check your phone |
| Ask follow-up questions | Switch topics randomly |
| Show you're listening | Cut people off |
| Listen more, talk less | Dominate the chat |
| Stay in the moment | Let your mind wander |
Make Your Date Feel Heard:
"The key is pushing aside your own reactions and really getting what the other person means." - Robert Solley, PhD, Clinical Psychologist
Share Stories That Matter:
| Type | Goal | Topics |
|---|---|---|
| Personal | Connect | Your travels |
| Current | Stay relevant | New activities |
| Common | Find links | Work life |
| Fun | Keep it light | Growing up |
The numbers back this up: PoF dating research shows 87% of singles liked someone more after good conversation. Even more telling? 90% would pick talking all night over physical connection on date one.
"Focus on WHY you're listening - that beats any technique." - Michael Batshaw, LCSW, Relationship Expert
Make Every Word Count:
"People open up more when they know you're really listening." - Jane Adshead-Grant, Author of Are you listening or just waiting to speak?
Bottom line: Good conversation needs two people. When you listen well, your date will share more.
Want better conversations on dates? Here's how to make your date feel heard and understood:
| Question Type | Examples | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| Travel & Adventure | "What amazing adventures have you been on?" | Learn about experiences |
| Free Time | "What's your favorite way to spend free time?" | Understand interests |
| Books & Media | "What was the last book you got into?" | Find shared tastes |
Your date's body language tells you a lot:
| Sign | What It Means |
|---|---|
| Shy looks | They're paying attention |
| Direct eye contact | Strong interest |
| Leaning in | Wants to connect |
| Mirroring you | Trying to build rapport |
| Natural smiles | Enjoying themselves |
"Open-ended questions keep conversations flowing. Skip the yes/no stuff - it kills momentum fast, especially when nerves kick in." - Patti Stanger, Dating Expert
Here's what works:
"Guys LOVE knowing you're interested. It takes the pressure off them." - Matthew Hussey, Author and Dating Coach
What NOT to do:
Bottom line: When you show genuine interest, people open up. It's that simple.
Your body tells a story before you say a word. Here's what works:
| Body Language | Do This | Here's Why |
|---|---|---|
| Eye Contact | Look at them during key moments | Shows you're listening |
| Posture | Keep open, uncrossed position | Makes you approachable |
| Position | Point your body their way | Shows you're focused |
| Space | Tilt slightly forward | Signals interest |
| Face | Smile naturally | Builds connection |
The numbers don't lie: 56% of what you say comes from body language. Words? Just 7%. Small shifts make a big impact.
| Don't Do This | Do This Instead |
|---|---|
| Cross your arms | Keep hands where they can see them |
| Scan the room | Keep eyes on your date |
| Lean way back | Stay closer (but comfortable) |
| Look at phone | Put it away, screen down |
| Sit stiffly | Drop those shoulders |
"When someone leans toward you, they're showing interest in you and what you're saying." - Paul Hokemeyer, Body Language Expert
Key Moves:
Want proof this stuff works? A study found that 4 minutes of eye contact created strong bonds between strangers. One couple even got married.
| Good Signs | Warning Signs |
|---|---|
| Big pupils | Eyes everywhere |
| Moving closer | Backing away |
| Matching moves | Arms crossed |
| Looking at you | Looking for exits |
| Open hands | Hidden hands |
Bottom Line: Let your moves flow naturally. Skip the intense staring - that's just weird. If you're into the conversation, your body will show it.
Stories connect people. But like seasoning food, you need the right amount. Here's what works on first dates:
| Share These | Skip These |
|---|---|
| Travel stories | Ex-relationships |
| Work highlights | Health issues |
| Fun family moments | Money problems |
| Hobby adventures | Personal conflicts |
| Future dreams | Political debates |
Think of sharing stories like opening a door - start with a peek, not the whole house tour. Here's how:
"The gift you bring to your team is YOU. And what makes you different from every other person sitting in a room with you is your story." - Barry Kaplan and Jeff Manchester, Partners at Shift 180
| Story Type | Example | Why It Works |
|---|---|---|
| Learning moments | Big city move | Shows growth mindset |
| Fun experiences | First ski trip | Reveals personality |
| Work stories | Team success | Shows motivation |
| Future goals | Dream trips | Opens up possibilities |
| Core beliefs | Community work | Displays values |
Here's proof it works:
"I just remember thinking, 'I really want to be friends with this woman; she is much cooler and smarter than me.'" - Tim, 39, software engineer
Tim found connection through simple shared interests - like favorite TV shows.
| Do This | Not This |
|---|---|
| Ask questions | Monologue |
| Share similar experiences | Compete with stories |
| Show curiosity | Make snap judgments |
| Stay real | Fake stories |
| Keep it upbeat | Share heavy stuff |
"The best thing you can do is share things that highlight your personality and lifestyle in a way that gives your date a chance to see what life could be like with you." - Thomas Edwards, Founder of the Professional Wingman
Pro tip: After your story, stop and listen. This simple pause turns a monologue into a conversation.
Dating isn't a sprint - it's more like a dance. Sometimes you need to step back to move forward. Here's what works:
| Body Signal | What To Do |
|---|---|
| They text less | Don't double text |
| Eyes wander | Switch topics |
| Back away | Step back |
| One-word answers | Stop talking |
| Phone scrolling | End the date |
Reading The Room
Their body tells you everything:
| Signal | Message |
|---|---|
| Crossed arms | Not open |
| Leaning back | Wants space |
| Feet point to door | Ready to go |
| No smiles | Not into it |
| Clock watching | Wants out |
"You don't have to give up your comfort zone just because you're dating someone new." - Rachel Thompson, Features Editor at Mashable
Smart Moves vs Bad Moves
| Do This | Don't Do This |
|---|---|
| Let silence happen | Talk non-stop |
| Listen fully | Cut them off |
| Keep distance | Get too close |
| Follow their lead | Push hard topics |
| Accept breaks | Demand focus |
"Most new couples skip the boundary talk. That's why things get messy." - Neil Wilkie, founder of The Relationship Paradigm
Say What You Mean
Clear beats confusing. Try these:
| What You Need | How to Say It |
|---|---|
| Space | "I need my bubble" |
| Topic change | "Let's talk about that later" |
| Time limit | "I'm heading out at 9" |
| Touch limits | "No hugs for now" |
| Text rules | "I'll message when I can" |
When someone sets a limit, say thanks. It means they trust you enough to be honest.
Key Points:
"Boundaries aren't walls - they're the foundation of how you want others to treat you." - Neil Wilkie, founder of The Relationship Paradigm
Bottom line: Strong boundaries = strong connections. When unsure, give them air.
Want to build a connection? Ask questions that matter. Here's how:
| Question Type | Example | What You'll Learn |
|---|---|---|
| Career | "What made you choose this path?" | Their story and motivation |
| Goals | "Where do you see yourself in 2 years?" | Their ambitions |
| Personal | "What's your family like?" | Their relationships |
| Growth | "What are you learning right now?" | Their interests |
| Lifestyle | "What's your perfect day?" | Their priorities |
Questions That Work vs Don't Work
| Do This | Not This |
|---|---|
| "Tell me more about..." | "Did you like it?" |
| "What happened next?" | "How's work?" |
| "What's your story?" | "What do you do?" |
| "What's next for you?" | "Any bad breakups?" |
| "What drives you?" | "How much do you make?" |
"A first date is all about showing interest." - Jane Greer, PhD, marriage and family therapist
Go Deeper With These
| Area | Ask This |
|---|---|
| Big Picture | "What's your biggest dream?" |
| Learning | "Why that field?" |
| Motivation | "What excites you?" |
| Core Beliefs | "What do you stand for?" |
| Balance | "How do you unwind?" |
"Opening up to someone and modeling the type of meaningful conversation you hope to have is a great way to help make them feel emotionally safe and willing to do the same." - Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Here's what works:
Bottom line: Good questions open people up. Bad ones shut them down. Watch how they answer - it tells you who they are.
No one likes conflict on a first date. But how someone handles different opinions tells you a LOT about them.
Here's what works (and what doesn't):
| Do This | Instead Of |
|---|---|
| Stick to facts | Getting personal |
| Listen fully | Cutting them off |
| Use "I" statements | Blaming them |
| Stay calm | Getting worked up |
| Look for agreement | Trying to win |
When Views Don't Match
| What to Do | How to Do It | Why It Works |
|---|---|---|
| Watch | See their body language | Shows their stress response |
| Breathe | Count to 3 | Keeps you level-headed |
| Share | State your view simply | Shows you're reasonable |
| Listen | Let them finish | Builds connection |
| Connect | Point out what you agree on | Makes both feel heard |
"If it won't matter in a week, don't let it ruin your night." - One Love Foundation
Good vs. Bad Signs
| Green Light | Red Light |
|---|---|
| Stays focused | Makes it about you |
| Keeps cool | Loses control |
| Lets you speak | Talks over you |
| Works with you | Must win at all costs |
| Backs off when needed | Pushes too much |
Smart Responses That Work
| Topic | What to Say |
|---|---|
| Politics | "I see it differently, but that's OK" |
| Values | "Tell me more about that" |
| Likes/Dislikes | "We can enjoy different things" |
| Future Plans | "Let's find middle ground" |
| Core Beliefs | "I hear you, and here's my take..." |
"People show you who they are in how they handle small conflicts" - Fia Z., dating expert
Quick Tips:
Watch how they handle small bumps now - it shows you how they'll deal with bigger ones later.
Here's exactly what to do after your first date:
| When | Action | Example Text |
|---|---|---|
| During date | Drop hints | "Have you tried that new pizza spot downtown?" |
| End of date | Be direct | "I had fun. Let's do this again" |
| Next day | Quick text | "Still laughing about [specific moment]" |
| 1-2 days after | Lock in date #2 | Set time, day, and place |
Make Plans That Actually Happen
Want your second date to happen? Use the TDL method:
Here's what works:
| What to Say | Why It Works |
|---|---|
| "Thursday 7pm at Moonlight Coffee?" | Clear and specific |
| "Saturday 1pm at the Science Museum?" | Easy to say yes or no |
| "Tuesday 6pm rock climbing?" | Shows planning |
"The second date is where you can both relax and actually get to know each other" - Orna Walters, Dating Coach
Follow-Up Done Right
| Do This | Don't Do This |
|---|---|
| Text within 24h | Wait for days |
| Mention a joke from date | Send "hey" |
| Name exact plans | Say "let's hang soon" |
| Be upfront about schedule | Ghost then reappear |
| Keep it casual | Send paragraphs |
When to Plan Date #2
| Sign | What to Do |
|---|---|
| You clicked | Plan within 2 weeks |
| Talk was easy | Pick similar activity |
| Felt connection | Build on what you learned |
| Both curious | Try something new |
| Common interests | Choose fun activity |
"If you had fun Friday night, just call Saturday afternoon for round two. It's that simple." - Evan
The bottom line? Don't overcomplicate it. If you liked them, say so. Make clear plans. Then show up and see what happens.
| Trust Signal | What to Look For | What It Means |
|---|---|---|
| Body Language | Open posture, relaxed shoulders | Feels safe and comfortable |
| Eye Contact | Regular, natural glances | Shows interest and honesty |
| Personal Space | Less distance over time | Getting comfortable |
| Conversation | Shares personal stories | Opening up emotionally |
| Time Investment | Shows up on time, keeps plans | Makes you a priority |
Physical Signs of Trust
Here's what to watch for:
| Sign | What You'll See | Why It Matters |
|---|---|---|
| Mirroring | Matches your movements | Natural bond forming |
| Hands | Keeps them visible | Shows nothing to hide |
| Smile | Eyes crinkle at corners | Real, not fake happiness |
| Voice | Steady, relaxed tone | Feels comfortable |
| Touch | Brief, appropriate contact | Shows growing trust |
Watch Out For These
| Warning Sign | What's Really Happening |
|---|---|
| Hidden phone | Possible secrets |
| Arms crossed | Putting up walls |
| Avoiding eye contact | Might not be honest |
| Often cancels plans | You're not a priority |
| Stories don't match | Truth issues |
They're Getting Comfortable When...
1. Silence Feels Right
The quiet moments don't make either of you squirm. You can just BE together.
2. Conversations Go Deep
They come to you first with news and want your take. You've moved way past small talk.
3. The Real Person Shows Up
| What You See | What It Means |
|---|---|
| No makeup days | Trusts your acceptance |
| Shares awkward moments | Feels safe being real |
| Speaks their mind | Knows you'll listen |
| Shows their messy side | Doesn't need to fake it |
"If someone lies or even omits the truth or details, this isn't a good sign." - Sara Davenport, Author and Health Coach
Trust Checklist
| Question | Good Answer |
|---|---|
| Do they call when they say? | Yes, every time |
| Words = Actions? | They do what they say |
| Remember what you share? | Pay attention to details |
| Mix you with their circle? | Proud to include you |
| Honor your limits? | Never push too hard |
Time Tells All
| When | What You'll See |
|---|---|
| First 3 months | Basic trust starts |
| 3-6 months | Sharing gets real |
| 6-12 months | True self emerges |
| Past 1 year | Can't fake it anymore |
"Listening to the heart, body, soul never steers us in the wrong direction." - Sara Davenport, Author and Health Coach
Bottom line: Trust takes time. Watch what they DO, not what they SAY. Trust your gut - if something feels off, it probably is.
Want to build deeper relationships? Let's move beyond "How's the weather?" small talk.
Here's what works at different connection levels:
| Level | Action | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Basic | Talk about what you're into right now | Find what you both like |
| Personal | Share stories from your past | Build a bond |
| Core | Talk about what matters to you | See if you click |
| Deep | Open up about dreams and worries | Really get each other |
Questions That Get People Talking
Skip "What do you do?" Instead, try these:
"What did you want to be when you were 10?" "What's the best thing you've eaten this year?" "Got any pets at home?" "Where are you dying to travel next?"
These questions work because they tap into stories people LOVE to share.
Make Your Chats Better
| Do This | Don't Do This |
|---|---|
| Ask more about what they just said | Jump to new topics |
| Share your similar experiences | Talk non-stop |
| Pick up on common interests | Push your opinions |
| Focus on listening | Fire off questions |
| Get comfortable with quiet moments | Fill every gap |
You Know It's Going Well When:
"People will forget what you said, forget what you did, but never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
Simple Steps That Work
| Do This | Why It Matters |
|---|---|
| Echo their words | Shows you're listening |
| Keep your phone away | Says "you have my attention" |
| Drop the fake act | Builds real trust |
| Ask about details | Shows you care |
| Keep things light | Keeps it comfortable |
Bottom line: Good connections happen when both people feel heard. Don't rush it - let the conversation flow naturally.
First dates work best when you're just yourself. No tricks needed - just let trust build naturally.
| Do This | Not This |
|---|---|
| Be yourself | Act like someone else |
| Share gradually | Dump everything at once |
| Do what you say | Make promises you won't keep |
| Respect boundaries | Push too fast |
"Trust starts with truth and ends with truth." - Santosh Kalwar
"To trust means to rely on another person because you feel safe with them and have confidence that they will not hurt or violate you." - Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist
Make Your Next Date Better:
Here's the bottom line: Good dates happen when both people feel comfortable being themselves. Take your time - solid connections don't happen overnight.
Ready to dive deeper? Maroon isn't just a dating app—it's a movement towards authentic connections. Sign up now to start your journey towards meaningful relationships, and never miss a beat on the latest in dating insights.